One of the biggest frustrations that leaders face isn’t a lack of skills or knowledge—it’s being out of alignment with the people around them. This is often a topic brought up in my coaching sessions with leaders at all stages of their careers. Whether it’s a disconnect with their team, colleagues or boss, misalignment in goals and values can create conflict, slow down progress, and derail trust. It shows up in missed expectations, misunderstandings, or a worrying sense that no one is rowing in the same direction.
Do leaders need to agree with everyone all the time? Of course not. Group think can also destroy deliverables and presentations. Different opinions and perspectives add to the richness and accuracy of projects. When leaders are focused on different things or their values don’t quite match the people around them, it can make working together feel a bit off or harder than it should be. And the work—no matter how strategic or well-planned—suffers.
Here are some steps to take that can get you rowing in a new direction:
1. Check Out Your Self-Limiting Beliefs
When leaders find themselves rowing against the current, their inner critic may be feeding them some old stories:
- “I know better—they just don’t see it yet.”
- “They care more about their own ideas than results.”
- “If I stay true to my values, I won’t be heard.”
- “If I compromise, I’m giving up what matters.”
These self-limiting beliefs are seductive because they feel protective. They help leaders make sense of why they are rowing in a different direction. But they also reinforce division. The real challenge and the real opportunity is to pause and get curious: Where’s that belief coming from? What’s another possible explanation? By loosening your grip on old narratives, you create space for new possibilities.
2. Get Creative About Collaborative Leadership
Becoming more in alignment doesn’t mean abandoning what most important to you on a project but rather committing to being more inclusive. Ask yourself about the real advantages of creating a deliverable that includes everyone’s ideas. The real gift is there will probably be amazing buy-in and team pride.
3. Clarify Your Core Values and Goals
What truly matters to you as a leader? What impact are you trying to make? Take time to write it down. Then ask yourself: Have I communicated this clearly? Using messaging and words that colleagues will connect with is critical. Misalignment sometimes comes from silence—others may simply not know what you care about. Share your values and goals with excitement and intention.
4. Seek to Understand The Motivations of Others
Engage your colleagues, team members, and boss in real conversations. Having an open dialogue with all the stakeholders not only supports everyone rowing in the same direction but also adds deeper insights. Listen without judgment to uncover shared ideas and cultivate camaraderie. Ask questions like:
- What’s most important to you in this project?
- How do you define success here?
- What are you most worried about?
5. Examine Differences Without Blame
Instead of pointing fingers, explore the differences. Say, “I’m noticing that we seem to be prioritizing different things—can we talk about that?” Naming the gap with openness rather than blame invites dialogue instead of defensiveness. Be willing to listen to truly understand why colleagues might want to row in a different direction. Everyone gets to be heard with respect.
6. Co-Create a New Path
Once everyone had a chance to offer their perspectives on the project or deliverable, invite alignment. This final step will cement how all the stakeholders envision the direction they want to take. The key is to build the steps together.
- What are our next actions to take?
- Who will be responsible for each task?
- How will we share feedback and check-ins?
Being in alignment doesn’t mean everyone thinks the same or wants the same outcomes. It means there is enough shared understanding and respect to move forward with intention and trust. It is the beginning of rowing in the same direction. When leaders take the time to examine their beliefs, open up dialogue, and share the values and goals of others, they unlock the full potential of collaboration.
How will you realign your boat to row in the same direction as your team?
If you need some help in realignment, just click here.