Throughout their workday leaders typically bounce in and out of meetings and conversations, often uncertain how these interactions will unfold. Some leaders are more able to roll with the missed deadlines or customer demands while others just become overly frustrated. When these imperfect scenarios erupt we need to be able to share our thoughts clearly and calmly. But what occasionally happens is that leaders can be caught “off-guard” and feel unprepared to respond in the most professional way. Instead of staying solution focused, they can escalate the encounter.
This is what happened to an individual I have been working with. Their exchange with both a team member and their shared client was a classic case of a swinger- swinging from passive to aggressive communication. As we delved deeper into their story it was evident that they had wished things had come down differently. It was time to explore what was happening with the way they were communicating and what might help them be clearer and more confident.
Here are five leadership strategies to block passive-aggressive communication:
1. Prepare And Prepare Some More
Prior to walking into any meeting with a team member or customer it is critical to understand the purpose of your time together. Think about what the pain points may be for the other individuals or company. Do tons of research on what may be frustrating them. Ask questions of others who have worked with them before and know how they interact. The last thing a leader wants to happen is to “react” rather than “respond” to a problem or hot topic.
2. Recognize The Eruption Signals
For leaders who may have a high EQ (emotional intelligence) it may not be as difficult to identify, but for many others reading another person’s emotions and body language can be quite challenging. Having the ability to recognize the signs of an upset or frustrated person can stop a leader from becoming an aggressive communicator. Some things to look and listen for are:
- A person’s voice level becomes louder.
- The individual starts to squirm, wave their hands, or seem more emotional.
- The words you hear sound like attacks towards you and less about the problem.
- People are throwing you under the bus and becoming accusatory.
3. Focus On The Issues Not The Person
When an interaction becomes heated it is usually because the conversation has moved away from the facts and issues and towards the people involved. This occurred with the person I was working with. The issue was actually minuscule compared to the personal attacks. That led to inappropriate accusations about the individual instead of trying to resolve the problem. When that happens it is important to take hold of the communication by speaking calmly, lowering your tone and reminding everyone that they have the same goal. In a short space of time, a perfectly professional interaction can escalate into an outright brawl. Say what you need to say in a respectful way. Don’t hold in the essential information you need to share but rather state it with honesty and clarity.
4. Create Healthy Boundaries
Each leader knows what feels comfortable in each interaction they have. Being clear of what is acceptable behavior for you will help in establishing boundaries that others will not overstep. For example, if someone becomes overly critical about an issue that was not your responsibility, make sure to speak up and express your viewpoint. Don’t just “take it” and later walk away feeling frustrated and angry. If someone starts pointing their finger and raising their voice, tell them you are feeling uncomfortable.
5. Sum It Up and Let It Go
A final strategy for leaders to prevent passive-aggressive communication is to pull the conversation together and look at the next steps. The goal is to have everyone on the same page feeling successful.
- Summarize the different perspectives that were shared by everyone.
- Be clear on what follow-up actions need to be.
- Thank people for taking the time to meet. Gratitude is essential.
- Most importantly, leave the drama and heated discussion behind. Commit to moving forward.
What strategies have blocked you from becoming a passive-aggressive communicator?
Working with an executive coach can often help you uncover your triggers for passive-aggressive communication and put you on a path to being a confident and assertive communicator. Please let me know if you are curious to explore this.