All sorts of unexpected data can be shared during meetings and interactions with your colleagues. Perhaps the discussion was moving along well and it looked like a solution was about to be reached. Then some information was presented that you were totally unprepared for. In a nano-second you became paralyzed and blurted out, “I feel blindsided with that report. I knew nothing about this situation.” You wondered if this really could be happening.
Then a comment from your colleague came firing back that was not super helpful. Not only were the words defensive and angry, but the tone and attitude were accusatory and blaring. What probably should have been an open discussion about an issue, turned into a loud back and forth conversation that went in circles. The worst part was once the volleying started, it was not easy to stop.
When a leader feels caught off guard it can feel very unsettling. They can even feel as if they are being attacked. What our emotions and our bodies may be telling us in these situations can often elevate the temperature inappropriately. Our brains have to kick in and take control, even if we feel unbalanced.
Here are six leadership shifts when feeling blindsided:
1. Recognize The Blindsided Information
Often when leaders are in a heated discussion, they don’t always recognize that they are being presented unexpected data and information. They visualized the conversation going in a different direction and maybe weren’t prepared for how quickly things were moving. When they are confronted with a different set of circumstances they can feel shaky. So the first thing to do is to acknowledge to ourselves that we are feeling unprepared or totally surprised.
2. Stop-Pause-Breathe
A great next shift to collect our thoughts and stay centered is to:
- Stop the conversation from continuing any further and becoming more defensive.
- Pause to wrap your head around what has happened before deciding how to move forward.
- Breathe-Take a few minutes to take some calm and deep breaths to focus on your situation. This helps our bodies stop shaking and allows our minds to take over. Another quick tip is to put your hand over your heart and just feel your heart beats.
3. Do Not React; Think How To Respond
Instead of reacting to feeling blindsided, the better shift to take is to think what needs to be shared next. If we simply react we will only add to the tension rather than focusing on the best action to take. Think of helpful questions to ask to clarify this alternative solution while deciding how to present your perspective. Taking time to strategize what information you may be missing will help you make a better decision.
4. Listen To Hear The Real Issue
In a meeting where a leader feels blindsided, the best tactic is to listen strategically to what is being presented. Sometimes leaders can make incorrect assumptions about what a colleague is saying. It is critical to be fully present and compile a more complete picture of the actual situation. The best way to get the true facts is to actively listen. Strategic listening involves:
- Avoiding interrupting others while they are speaking, even if you disagree with their thoughts.
- Strong eye contact whether you are in person or on a screen.
- Restating what they said to gain clarity and deeper understanding.
- Asking open-ended questions- Who, What , Where, When, How.
5. State Your Case Without Accusation
When the time comes for the leader to share their ideas, make sure to shift away from judgmental language, and instead stay positive and inclusive. Begin by stating, “It was my understanding that …” Then go into why you may be on a different page in the process. Be appreciative for the team member’s work performed. Words like “we”, “and”, “together” go a far way.
6. Bring To A Thoughtful Conclusion
The final shift to face being blindsided is to bring the discussion to a mutually acceptable conclusion. This can be done by:
- Asking your colleague to summarize the decided direction forward.
- Assigning responsibilities clearly with follow-up dates.
- Making a strong statement at the end: “I’m so happy we figured this great outcome together!”
- Expressing gratitude for your colleague’s input, participation and flexibility.
What additional leadership shifts have you found helpful when feeling blindsided?