We all do it. We all think we are perfectly capable of listening while finishing up a task or two. We honestly believe that we can process many types of information simultaneously, not focusing on any one in particular.
“I am great at multitasking!”
“I just don’t have the time to listen to my team member.”
“I get the gist of the conversation; no need to stop what I am doing.”
“My ears automatically perk up when I hear the important concepts shared.”
Oh really?
These were the comments expressed at the beginning of a workshop I presented this week to a group of highly professional managers in a marketing organization. These are leaders who are talented communicators in their writing and presentations. They are hired to create innovative stories for others to present and communicate. Yet they are running into roadblocks of not being heard clearly and even sometimes being misunderstood by the teams they lead. As the afternoon wore on, we worked together to figure out this listening dilemma and what we could do to resolve it.
Honor The Conversation
Prior to our exploration of active listening, we had a dialogue on how challenging it is to stop what we are doing and be present in a conversation. Do you find yourself sitting across from someone, being physically there, yet not “in the conversation”? Even when we have very little time, it is essential we stop attending to other tasks and stay tuned into a particular dialogue. When we do this, we are showing the speaker we respect and appreciate the dialogue being shared.
[Tweet “Leadership means being fully present and honoring a conversation.”]
Become Consciously Engaged
What does it look like to the speaker when we are strategically listening to what they are saying?
- We ask relevant and caring questions to delve deeper for clarity
- We show facial expressions with eyes open, looking directly at them
- We don’t interrupt until they lay out their points
- We offer additional comments that are non-judgmental and meaningful
[Tweet “Leaders engage in conversations by choosing to listen.”]
Recognize Contributions
During our discussions the managers admitted that sometimes they “lost it” when their team members seemed to go off on tangents. Because they are in such a client-driven industry, they agonize when the deliverables are not on target. They had a hard time validating the positive elements and tended to lose track of what was worthwhile. Once we spoke about the importance of expressing appreciation for the good and tweaking the other parts, they realized that was a way of showing they were listening.
Stay Calm- Take A Step Back
You might think this is a no-brainer. The reality is that remaining composed when we are under pressure can impact the way we are listening.
- Remember we each process information differently – slow, fast, making associations, merely looking at the facts
- Ask yourself: What is really being said? What are the real issues we need to address?
- Don’t allow emotions to take over and elevate the discussion to a red-hot level
- Keep breathing and respect the speaker’s work and preparation
How do you make sure you are really listening? What stories or lessons can you share to help us lead by listening?
Great tips. Particularly like the “stay calm-take a step back.” It’s so easy to get stuck in our own noise that we can’t hear what’s really being said.
It is interesting, Karin, that one of the managers I had in my workshop felt that keeping his cool really helped him to lead in almost every situation. That essentially has become his mantra.
I love your addition about “getting stuck in our own noise” because we sometimes just want our suggestions and perspectives to be the ones used and are unwilling to see other people’s points of view. Remaining open and listening with true understanding can empower both us and others we collaborate with.
Thanks Karin!
Great tips and suggestions, Terri! I appreciate that you unfolded these lessons together in your training.
What really gets me about busy leaders that “try” listening is when they immediately go in fix-it mode. Listening means truly hearing what someone needs from us and sometimes that’s simply a sounding board and not a need to have someone jump in ASAP and keep things rolling.
Great point, Alli, about not jumping to a “solving the problem” mode. An important quality of leadership is being able to facilitate a discussion as well as empowering others to make their own decisions.
In the workshop the managers loved the active listening exercise where they tried to stay in the conversation to really understand what was being said instead of interrupting. They realized by just listening they got all the facts more clearly and became more intrigued with the ensuing dialogue.
Great additions as always, Alli! Thanks!
Terri,
Excellent points on listening. If you want to tell if someone is listening to you (or you are listening to them), check where their (your) eyes are. Are you looking at them (or a device)? Are you listening with your eyes? Are you listening wide open?
It is so essential to listen fully!
Jon
It is so interesting Jon that you bring up eye contact. At the beginning of the program one manager had her laptop open and was responding to “urgent” emails. I asked her if she might close it because I felt it was distracting for me. She said she had to finish. So her eyes were down and she was less engaged in the workshop. A little while later she closed her laptop and became alive- strategically listening, animated and engaged.
Listening is more than just our ears. Thanks for your wonderful comments, Jon!
Terri
Great list, Terri!
I especially like your quote: “Leaders engage in conversations by choosing to listen.”
We do “choose” to listen and it’s an active choice, not a passive one. Listening well actually take work because we need to discipline our mind to shut out other noise.
Great reminders!
It is a choice for leaders to actively listen and not take over the conversations. When we don’t interrupt until the other person’s presentation is complete, we gain much greater insight than if we just keep jumping in with our own agenda.
Listening strategically for the real message is a skill that can be mastered by everyone who chooses to build relationships that way. When we listen to truly understand, we lead with intent, purpose and respect.
Thanks LaRae for all you do!
Terri,
This message never gets old. …No matter how much I focus on it, I see so much more room for improvement! Especially on those days I am so busy I haven’t asked my brain to please focus on actively listening!
Thank you for the reminder!
Listening can help leaders understand why things are the way they are and why people are feeling a certain way. Listening empowers us to delve into the true facts in order to resolve complex issues. It does take our full attention and focus, but worth all of the energy.
Thanks Chery! I appreciate all you do!