In a recent coaching session, one of my clients shared that between all the meetings they were constantly being asked to attend they had little time to execute their work. Yet they were worried if they spoke up about how they were feeling they would be seen as weak. They were carrying fear. As we delved further into what was happening, they admitted something many leaders wrestle with: “I’m afraid that if I ask for help, people will think I can’t handle my job. They’ll see me as weak, or worse, they’ll think I’m not ready for my next promotion.”
As we explored where that belief came from, it became clear that this wasn’t simply about asking for assistance. It was about identity. Somewhere along their leadership journey, they had come to believe that strong leaders always have the answers, never struggle, and certainly never let others see them feeling overwhelmed. The truth is, they aren’t alone. I’ve heard versions of this concern from many leaders and at every level. High performing leaders often believe they have to carry every responsibility themselves to prove their value. Yet the irony is that the very behavior they think demonstrates strength often leads to exhaustion, poor decision-making and burnout. Leadership isn’t about proving how much you can carry. It’s about knowing when to ask for help. When did asking for help become a liability instead of one of the wisest leadership decisions?
Here are five leadership strategies to squash the “Doing it all” belief:
1. The Myth of Pushing Through
Many leaders convince themselves they can “push through.” They postpone asking for help because they don’t want to inconvenience others, appear incapable, or admit they don’t have everything under control. One of my clients believed if they just kept working longer hours the project would get done. Unfortunately, that never happened. The more they pushed, the more frustrated and angry they became with their colleagues. Instead try asking yourself:
- What am I carrying that I no longer have to carry alone?
- What would happen if I trusted someone else with part of this responsibility?
- What am I afraid people will think if I ask for help?
2. The Staying Silent Illusion
When leaders continue to shoulder everything themselves, the consequences often extend far beyond their own stress. By staying silent leaders can often feel fatigue, develop physical illnesses and even face breathing challenges. When we don’t share what we are feeling our energy levels can drop. Silence can eat away at us in a very unhealthy way. There can even be missed opportunities because a leader is too overwhelmed to see new possibilities. Staying silent teaches everyone not to ask for help either.
3. Asking for Help Is a Leadership Strength
Great leaders understand that vulnerability builds trust. They recognize they don’t have to know everything, solve everything, or do everything. Instead, they create environments where people feel comfortable contributing ideas, offering solutions, and supporting one another. Imagine the difference if asking for help became part of your leadership toolbox instead of something to avoid. Be strategic and explore:
- Who has strengths that complement mine?
- What conversation have I been avoiding because I wanted to solve it myself?
- If I wasn’t worried about looking capable, what support would I ask for today?
4. What Asking for Help Can Look Like
Seeking support doesn’t always require a major announcement. Often, it begins with one intentional conversation. One of my clients was so stressed because they had so many priorities. During our session it became clear that they had to get clarification from their manager on what was most important to tackle. The person began to smile and feel so empowered. A boss is in a good position to help a leader prioritize competing demands. By asking for guidance we are showing how much we value our work. Partnering with a coach can often open up new possibilities for a leader.
5. Leadership Was Never Meant to Be a Solo Journey
The most influential leaders don’t become successful because they never needed help. They become successful because they learned when to ask for it. What might become possible if asking for help became one of your greatest leadership strengths instead of your greatest hesitation? Asking for help demonstrates self-awareness, courage, and confidence, not weakness. It allows leaders to:
- Think more clearly
- Make better decisions
- Strengthen relationships
- Model healthy leadership for everyone around them
How will you add “asking for help” to your leadership toolbox?
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